


Damaged At Best

by B00kw0rm92



Category: Glee
Genre: AU of the "Katie" storyline, F/M, Gen, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B00kw0rm92/pseuds/B00kw0rm92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all of New Directions found out that Ryder kissed Marley, Ryder distanced himself from his friends in hope of giving Jake time to calm down. However, when a lonely Ryder began spending most of his time talking to someone he had never met, things quickly took a turn for the worse and Ryder was left to deal with something that no one should have to face. | AU After 4.15</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a week off from my Summer semester of college and I WILL have both my other WIPs updated by the end of the week (Perfect Mess is only on FF.net, but I plan to transfer the Perfectverse series over here soon!). This is only going up now because it's the plot I was using on RP I had that died and nearly all of this chapter is made up of the first three self-paras I had there. I was never able to get the plot to really play out the way I wanted and it died before I was anywhere near done, so I decided to convert the story into a fic.
> 
> The title is a reference to Lifehouse's "Broken", I used lyrics from that song in a couple para titles on the RP and the song really fits Ryder's mindset throughout the story. Though the RP was Ryley, I honestly ship both Ryley and Kyder and I'm not sure which this story will be, so feel free to voice your opinion in a review. Obviously, this story is my own take on the Katie issue based on an idea that occurred to me after 4.16, the story is AU after 4.15 though because the plot I developed on the RP was dependent on some things in 4.16 not having happened, and I like it that way.

_**Prologue:** _

Ryder leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair as he stared at his computer. He had made such a mess of things with his friends and he had no clue how to even begin to fix it, he could kick himself for losing control long enough to kiss Marley. He sighed before scrolling through his favorites and pulling up a familiar chat room. What he needed right now was to talk to people who weren't involved in the huge mistake he'd just made.

He slipped quickly into the easy conversation about movies he hadn't even seen yet and tried to focus on keeping up with the fast moving conversation instead of thinking about the fight with his best friend. He followed along with what was being said, reading more than talking himself as he wished that everything could just blow over and things could go back to the way they had been before, when he had finally had friends and a place where he fit in.

It wasn't very long before a message to him popped up from a girl he had begun talking too that past week, _'You okay, Ryder? You're pretty quiet tonight.'_

He found himself smiling a little at the fact that someone actually paid enough attention to him to notice that before he replied,  _'Just a bad day.'_

 _'Private chat? I'm a good listener.'_ the girl responded and he smiled again.

 _'Sure, Katie. Thanks.'_ he typed back before clicking the private chat link that appeared soon afterwards.

' _What happened?'_ she asked nearly as soon as he joined and he leaned back in his chair again as he tried to figure out how to even begin to explain the situation.

 _'I kissed my best friend's girlfriend. We both liked her but she chose him and I was cool with it. Mostly. But then she was there and I wasn't thinking and I just kissed her. I'm an idiot.'_  he said before waiting for her response and preparing himself to be lectured again.

He knew that he deserved everything that had been said to him. He had made the stupidest mistake in his life when he kissed Marley and he couldn't blame his friend for being made at him. He just wished that Jake didn't seem to think that Marley was to blame too. It hadn't been her fault and the last thing he wanted was to have messed things up for her.

 _'You're not an idiot. You just made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes sometimes.'_ As the message popped on his screen his eyes widened before he broke into a small grin. At least someone wasn't mad at him.

' _He's really angry though and he's mad at her too. And all our other friends found out somehow and most of them are ticked at me too. It's a pretty huge mistake.'_ He explained, sighing as he remembered the awkward Glee meeting earlier that day where none of the girls had even spoken to him after the initial angry rants he had gotten from Unique and Tina.

_'You seem like a pretty awesome guy, your friends must be jerks if none of them can get over one mistake.'_

Ryder blushed slightly, shaking his head even though he knew that she couldn't see him.  _'I'm not really that awesome.'_ He admitted, _'I'm not really that good at anything.'_ He told the girl before glancing at the clock, knowing he couldn't stay online much longer before he had to get back to trying to study.

 _'That can't be true. Didn't you say you played football and you're in a glee club?'_ Katie sent back.

He sighed, wishing things really were that simple.  _'I'm probably one of the worse guys on the team. Same for Glee too, really. I can't dance and all the guys are better singers.'_

_'I bet you're a lot better than you think you are. You're probably really cute too. ;)"_

Ryder blushed again, not sure how to respond.  _'Thanks, but I don't think so. I gotta go though, homework.'_

 _'That sucks. :( Can we talk again tomorrow?'_ she responded.

He gave a small smile before sending one last message  _'Sure. I'd like that.'_ Maybe he wouldn't have to be totally alone, even if all his friends were mad at him.

* * *

Ryder sighed as he got up from his desk chair and plopped down onto his bed, laying down and staring at the ceiling. Jake was still furious with him and now Marley wouldn't even speak to him. One moment of his brain deciding to short out on him had cost him his two closest friends and he had no idea how to fix it. Nothing he said seemed to make any difference to Jake and Marley was going to do whatever it took to save her relationship and he knew he couldn't blame her.

He already knew that Kitty and Unique weren't on his side – not that Kitty had ever been on his side in anything – and he wondered if he had any friends left except for Sam and maybe Brittany or if they would side with Jake too in the end. He knew that he deserved it, but that didn't make him hate the situation any less. Ryder had never wanted to know how to time travel so much before now, he would give just about anything to go back and stop himself from kissing Marley.

All he could really do now was damage control. He would avoid Marley like Jake wanted and he'd avoid Jake too unless the other boy wanted to talk. Maybe if he gave him some space his best friend would eventually be willing to forgive him. Until then he'd be on his best behavior. Surely things couldn't stay this way forever.

As he sat up, he thought about the girl he had talked too the night before. She was the only person who seemed to really understand his side of things and she wasn't even involved. A tiny smile formed on his face as he thought of how nice she had been and he wondered if she really would be willing to talk to him again like she had said.

He headed back to his desk and opened his laptop, turning it back on before searching for the instant messaging name Katie had given him the night before. After a small triumphant fist pump, he quickly pulled up an instant messenger.

 _'Katie? It's Ryder from last night. Just wondered if you wanted to talk again.'_ he sent, bouncing his leg impatiently as he waited to see if she would reply.

 _'Hey, Ryder! Of course we can talk, I was just about to send you something. ;)'_ popped up on his screen and he smiled again. He might have lost his friends at school, but at least he had Katie now.

* * *

Ryder smiled to himself as he sat in front of his computer chatting with Katie. The past few days had been nothing short of awful and it was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn't in the middle of the whole mess. He loved how well she seemed to understand him and even though they hadn't been talking long, he was starting to feel like he could tell her just about anything and that was something loved.

Katie was always there to talk to him and she didn't seemed to judge what he had done, she just comforted him and tried to help and that only made him look for ways to spend more and more time talking to her. Jake had been his closest friend before he had gone and messed things up and he might still have Marley if she was ever able to talk to him, but he knew that it might be a while before that happened and he still felt guilty about kissing her. While some of the others were turning out to be pretty nice and most of the initial anger and awkwardness after they found out what had happened seemed to have faded, he didn't feel very comfortable talking to them about anything serious. Combining that with the distance he felt with his parents – and especially his father – meant that his new friend was fast on her way to becoming the most trusted person in his life.

The more they had talked, the more he found himself enjoying the flirting she did. He had been a little embarrassed the first time she asked if he had any shirtless pictures, but he loved the way it made him feel when she told him how good he looked. If he ever wanted to really fix things with Jake, he knew that he had to get over Marley and what better way than by finding someone else? Katie was just about perfect and he almost couldn't believe his luck that someone like her would actually like _him_. She was exactly what he needed and he couldn't begin to tell her how grateful he was for that.

Talking to Katie had made everything so much easier to deal with and more and more of his time was being taken up by chatting with her. When Kitty was insulting him or Jake and Marley were avoiding him, she was always there to listen. He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't met Katie, but he knew he certainly wouldn't have been able to handle things anywhere near as well as he was now that he had her.

She was the only one he had been able to talk to about how hard it was to have Jake mad at him and how he was worried that the rest of the club might turn on him if things were to get worse. She was the only one he had talked to about how determined he was to get over Marley because he knew she didn't love him and Katie was the only one who made him think that maybe someone else could.

He had just finished telling her how much he was looking forward to Spring Break and the camping trip that had been planned for New Directions when a thought occurred to him. He bit his lip in thought for a moment before smiling as he leaned back over to send a very important question.

_'Hey, do you think that maybe we could meet?'_


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ryder goes to meet Katie, things go very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains fairly graphic moments/descriptions that relate to rape.

Ryder grinned as he pulled out his suitcase. He had thrown a few things in the night before, but he had gotten sidetracked before he finished. He knew that between his date with Katie the Marvel movie marathon he had planned with Sam, he wouldn't have time to pack for the trip the next day and if he left it until Sunday, he'd probably forget something in the rush to leave. He pulled out most of his clothes and made a half-hearted attempt at folding them before placing them into the suitcase, making sure that he left out a nicer pair of jeans and a good shirt for the next day.

This weekend was set up to be the best one he'd had in a long time and he was more excited than he could say. Marley was finally speaking to him again – even if it was awkward – and Jake was starting to act a little more normal. He was sure that if he could show his best friend that he had a new girlfriend that  _wasn't_  Marley, things would be fixed between them and everything would go back to the way it had been before he had made that huge mistake. The Spring Break trip would be perfect.

What he was looking forward to the most though was finally being able to meet Katie. He had spent so much time talking to her over the last few weeks that he felt like he had known her forever and even though he knew his feelings for Marley weren't gone yet, he was definitely developing a crush on Katie was well. She was beautiful and nice and she really seemed to like him. Even if she didn't live very close, he still knew that she would be just about the perfect girlfriend and he desperately hoped that their date would go well.

Things were really turning around and he couldn't be happier about it. Hopefully by Sunday he would have a new girlfriend, have patched things up with Jake, kept things from being awkward with Marley and he'd be heading to spend a week camping with his friends before getting ready to compete in Regionals. Life was finally looking up and he couldn't wait to see what would come next.

* * *

Ryder bounced impatiently as he stood outside the Burger King his mother had just dropped him off at. He was early, but he hadn't wanted to take a chance of missing Katie when she showed up. He knew that they would probably only have a couple of hours for their lunch date and he wanted to make use of every second he had with her. He still couldn't believe that they were really about to meet face-to-face.

After a few more minutes of impatient fidgeting, his phone beeped and he smiled when he saw it was a text from Katie before he opened it.

' _I'm still getting ready and my dad's insisting that he has to meet you first now. Wanna just pick me up? We're in room 23.'_

He looked up from his phone and glanced across the street at the motel Katie had told him she would be staying in. It really wasn't that far and if it meant not risking her dad sitting in on their date, it would be worth it. Shrugging to himself, he sent back a quick reply,  _'Sure. I'll be right there.'_ before walking away from the restaurant and crossing the street.

It wasn't long before he had made it to the motel and was checking the room numbers on doors as he grew more and more nervous. This was it. He was really about to meet the girl he had been spending so much time talking too. All he had to do was get through meeting her dad first. Once he finally found the right room he stood in front of the door for a moment and took a deep breath. He was nervous, but he didn't want Katie to see that. Finally, when he had calmed himself as much as he thought he could, he knocked.

He fought against the urge to hold his breath in the few seconds it took for the door to open and he was suddenly face to face with a tall, heavy-set man he assumed to be Katie's father.

"Hi, Mr. Fitzgerald? I'm, uh, I'm Ryder Lynn. I'm here for Katie." he said as calmly as he could manage.

"Nice to meet you, son. I'm Peter, but you can keep calling me Mr. Fitzgerald." the man said, extending a hand for Ryder to shake.

Ryder quickly extended his own hand and replied, "It's nice to meet you too, sir." as the man shook his hand a little too long and gave Ryder the feeling he was being sized up. He hoped that Katie's father would approve.

Once Mr. Fitzgerald let go of his hand he opened the door wider and motioned for Ryder to come in before shutting the door behind him. "Katie's still in the bathroom getting ready. Want something to drink? I think I've got some stuff in the cooler still." he said as Ryder stood awkwardly in the room, hoping Katie wouldn't take long.

"Yes, sir. Thank you." he said out of politeness and the man rummaged through a small cooler in the corner for a moment before pulling out a bottle of Gatorade and opening the top as he handed it to Ryder.

"Katie says you're on the football team." the man commented and Ryder quickly nodded.

"Yes sir. I'm in the glee club too. We're, uh, heading to Regionals in a few weeks." he confirmed after taking a sip of the drink, feeling more nervous by the moment.

"Good boy, well rounded." Mr. Fitzgerald replied and Ryder thanked him before an awkward silence fell in the room.

He took another small sip of the drink as he searched for something to say, "So … Katie said you're visiting her grandparents again. Do you visit here a lot?" he questioned despite already knowing the answer.

"Every couple of months." the man replied simply as he continued to stare at him.

Ryder's nerves suddenly doubled as he realized that he hadn't heard a single noise from the bathroom that Katie was supposed to be getting ready in. He gave a nervous laugh before turning his head towards the door she was supposed to be behind, "Are you almost ready, Katie?" he called.

There was no response.

"I think - I think I'll just go wait for her at the restaurant." he said quickly as he moved towards the door, almost tripping himself in his hurry as a sense of danger suddenly settled around him.

In a flash the man was next to him, grabbing his arm roughly, "You're not going anywhere." he said and the terror hit Ryder like a ton of bricks as he struggled wildly, causing the man to grab his other arm and drag him further into the room.

"Please let go. Please! I won't tell anyone, I promise. Just let me go, please!" he begged before a hand was on his throat, threatening to cut of his oxygen as he was forced onto the bed, the man's grip only tightening as he fought, "Let go of me!" he screamed, "Stop it! No! Let me go!"

"I've got a knife in my pocket and you're going to stop screaming before you never scream again." the man said menacingly and the realization of what was going on hit him as he let out a quiet sob before nodding frantically. He didn't want this to happen, but he didn't want to die either.

He struggled as the man attempted to force him to lie down, "Please no, stop." he said softly, "I promise I won't tell anyone, just let me go! Please don't do this!" he continued to beg as he was forced down with the man's knee on his chest holding him in place as the man he thought he could trust reached to undo his pants.

He fought frantically in his attempts to stop what was happening, but it only seemed to make the man angrier, "No! Stop, stop, stop!" he chanted as he struggled futilely with tears filling his eyes until the man finally succeeded and his pants and underwear were thrown to the floor.

Suddenly the man had his arms in a painful grip again and there was fury in his eyes as he stared directly at the young boy, "Stop fighting me or I'll make use of that knife!" he declared, clearly fed up with Ryder's resistance before removing one arm to reach into his pocket and pull out a large, sharp looking pocket knife, "This isn't a joke." he stated as he showed the wide-eyed boy the blade before placing the knife onto a nearby table, within easy reach for him, but out of reach for Ryder who remained pinned to the bed.

Ryder went limp with fear before he was roughly turned over and the man he had now decided was nothing more than a monster quickly arraigned his legs before placing his knees on top of them painfully, placing all of his weight on the boy under him before Ryder heard the sound of another zipper being undone. He buried his face in the mattress and cried.

* * *

When it was over, the man quickly and calmly redressed himself as Ryder lay frozen in pain and fear on the bed before grabbing the suitcase and cooler that had been sitting in the corner and leaving the room. As soon as the door shut, Ryder gathered his courage and pulled himself into a sitting position, giving a small gasp at the pain caused by moving as silent tears ran down his face.

He winced as he stood up and froze when he spotted the blood on the bed, staring numbly as the reality of what had just happened fully sunk in. He quickly gathered his clothes before panicking slightly as he realized he was still bleeding. His parents couldn't know.  _No one_  could know. It was _his_  fault, he was stupid and he came there on his own. The man had reminded him of that several times.

He headed into the bathroom, locked the door behind him as if that could protect him and looked at himself in the mirror, willing himself to stop crying. As he caught sight of the red handprints on his neck that were slowly going purple, he realized that he might need to stick to turtlenecks for a few days. He glanced frantically around the room before spotting a few rags sitting folded on a shelf. He grabbed them, placing them in his underwear as he quickly and painfully redressed himself, hoping that they would keep any blood from becoming visible or staining his clothes. No one could know.

Ryder wiped at his eyes again before looking in the mirror one more time, ashamed to even really look at himself as he fully zipped up his jacket and messed with the collar and until he decided that it should do to hide the forming bruises until he got home. With that done, he rushed out of the room, desperate to get far away from the place where something so horrible had happened.

He half-ran, half limped back to the Burger King before standing in the spot where his mother had dropped him off earlier that day and fought back the tears that tried to return as he thought of how stupid he had been. Forcing himself to remain as calm as possible, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, closing his eyes in relief when he realized it still worked before quickly sending a text to Sam.

' _Can't come tonight. Sick. Think it's some 24 hour thing.'_ He typed out, giving the first excuse he could think off before shakily hitting the first speed dial on his phone.

"Hey mom, can you come pick me up?" he said, "No, I'm alright, just … I think I might be a little sick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I hope you guys like this, once again this is just two of the self-para's from the RP account slightly edited. The next Perfect Mess chapter is giving me fits, but I've realized that I can't keep making my other readers wait due to writer's block on one story. I'm still not sure about a ship here (though obviously, it will be a while before anything of a romantic nature happens) so I'm still open to suggestions!


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryder decides that his best bet for keeping what happened a secret from everyone is to still go on New Directions' Spring Break trip.

Ryder lay in his bed, covers pulled up to his chin to make sure that his parents wouldn’t see any sign of what had happened if they were to walk in. The moment he had arrived home he assured his mother that he would be fine on his own before heading straight upstairs to his bedroom, grabbing a change of clothes and making a beeline for the shower, desperate to wash off the blood, sweat and everything else contaminating his body. He had stayed in the shower long after the water ran cold before finally stepping out, not wanting to risk his parents getting suspicious.

Since then, he had only left the bed once - when he realized he needed to get his phone to make sure he didn’t miss anything important and raise suspicions. He had decided while in the shower that his best chance for keeping anyone from finding out what had happened was to still go on the trip. His friends were a lot less likely to question a sudden love of turtlenecks then his parents were, especially considering that he only had about three of them.

Since he had sent the last text to Sam confirming that he was sure he’d be better in the morning, he hadn’t checked a clock and he had no idea how long he had been laying there. All he knew what that he couldn’t risk getting up until his parents were asleep and he didn’t particularly want to get up anyway. He mother had already been in to check on him twice, once asking if he was coming down to dinner. He had quickly assured her that he wasn’t hungry and just wanted to try and sleep in hopes that he would be ‘better for the trip tomorrow’.  He was sure that she’d be in again before she went to bed.

He had tried his best to go to sleep but hadn’t managed it yet; he couldn’t seem to stop replaying what had happened in his mind, along with everything that lead up to it. Hindsight was showing him every little sign that he had missed and he hated himself for it. It was all his fault. Dyslexia was no excuse, he was just an idiot.

He stared at the ceiling as he desperately tried to push the memories away. He felt dirty and ashamed and an ache that had little to do with his injuries had settled itself somewhere deep inside him and it didn’t seem to have any plans to go away. He wished that he could go back in time or wipe his memory. He just wanted the day to have never happened; he wanted to go sleep and wake up to realize it had all been a dream. Anything to make it all just go away.

There was a knock on his door before he heard it slowly open and his mother softly whisper his name.

"I’m awake mom." he replied, rolling over to face her as he tried to keep the wince off his face.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked, looking concerned as she stepped into the room.

"A little, I think I’ll be fine to go on the trip tomorrow." he said.

She stepped over to his bed, putting a hand on his forehead to check for a temperature before sighing, “If you’re sure." she conceded, “Do you need anything before I go to bed?"

"No, mom, I’m fine." he said in the most convincing voice he could manage, “Good night."

"Good night." she repeated before heading back out of the room and shutting the door behind her.

He waited until he heard her go back down the stairs before he sat up, heading over to his suitcase and pulling everything out of it before going back through his clothes and repacking, this time including three barely-worn turtleneck sweaters, one he didn’t even remember owning and setting aside another for the next day. 

He stepped quickly out into the hall, making his way into the bathroom next to his bedroom to brush his teeth before stopping as he stood in front of the mirror, staring at the clearly visible bruises on his neck and arms. The bruise on his neck wasn’t bad and he hoped it would fade in a couple of days, but the multiple bruises on his arms were a very different story and he was suddenly very glad that it was only March. He would need to stick to long sleeve shirts for a while.

He took in a shaky breath as he stared at the evidence of what had happened to him before slowly lifting his tee-shirt and wincing at the nasty looking bruise on his stomach. At least that one and the bruises he knew would be on the back of his legs would be easy to hide. Blinking back the tears in his eyes, he quickly tore his gaze from the mirror and brushed his teeth before heading straight back to his room, reminding himself that he couldn’t risk running the hot water out again while his parents could be trying to get showers too. Maybe if he could just go to sleep, somehow it would all be better in the morning.

* * *

 

Ryder breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped outside and quickly made his way towards the king cab truck where Puck and Jake were waiting. He knew they would be picking up Marley and Unique as well before heading out for the cabins that had been booked for the New Directions and their chaperones but he was desperately hoping he could pretend to be asleep for most of the ride. He was sorer then he had ever been and he still hadn’t completely figured out how to pretend to be normal. He had barely made it through breakfast without making his mother suspicious.

“Hey, man. Put your bag in the back and hop in.” Puck called out the window as Ryder made his way towards the truck.

He quickly did as he was told, putting his bag in the bed of the truck with the others that he assumed belonged to each of the Puckerman brothers before climbing in the back seat as Jake had already taken the passenger’s seat next to his brother. Ryder buckled up and shifted for a moment in a quick but fairly futile attempt to get comfortable before he leaned against the window. “Thanks for picking me up.” He said before closing his eyes, hoping to be believably “asleep” before they picked up the girls.

“It’s not a problem.  You’re on the way to Marley’s anyway.” Jake said before turning to look at him, “What’s up with you, I thought you were excited for this?”

Ryder opened his eyes to see the other boy staring at him and quickly gave the best smile he could manage. “I am, I guess that’s why I couldn’t really sleep last night. If I try and sleep now, less chance of crashing when I get there, right?”

Jake shook his head in amusement, “Whatever, man. I’m surprised you didn’t grab one of those energy drinks Marley’s always been yelling at you about.” He commented.

“Saving those for later!” Ryder shot back with another forced grin before closing his eyes again and focusing on evening out his breathing. He heard Puck laugh and a quick, whispered conversation as Puck asked about the story behind the energy drink comment before both brothers quieted, seeming to have decided it was best to let Ryder sleep. He really had brought a few of the drinks but they were a last line of defense, meant to keep the others from becoming suspicious and to keep himself awake if nightmares became a problem.

It wasn’t long before he felt the car stop and a few seconds later he heard a quick whisper of “Ryder’s asleep. Don’t want him up unless you want him to pull out the energy drinks, he says he brought them.” just before a quiet laugh where he could almost see the eye roll as he felt Marley scooting carefully onto the middle seat beside him, clearly trying not to wake him. When a few minutes later both Marley and Jake were shushing Unique as Puck chuckled softly, Ryder couldn’t help but be surprised. He was barely back on speaking terms with the couple and he hadn’t thought he had been forgiven enough for them to be so careful about not waking him up and it almost made him feel guilty about the fact that he wasn’t really asleep.

The rest of the ride was quiet, with only the occasional barely whispered conversation and to Ryder’s horror; he only realized he had fallen asleep when someone touched his arm and he startled awake, jumping what felt like three feet in the air. He blinked awake, finding himself looking at Marley’s grinning face as he tried to calm himself down. “Come on, we’re here!” she said before scooting over and out the open door to where Unique was standing.

He pushed himself away from the window, wincing slightly at the pain as he moved before opening his own door and stepping out to he look at the cabins in front of them as he said a quick prayer of thanks that he had obviously only been asleep for a few minutes as there hadn’t been a repeat of last night’s nightmares. He grabbed his bag and made his way over to where the others were standing in front of the two large cabins while Puck joined Mr. Schue, Mrs. Pillsbury, Quinn – no one seemed to understand how she’d been convinced to join them – and Finn for what Ryder assumed was a discussion of how they were dividing up students and chaperones.

“Dude, this is awesome!” Sam exclaimed as he high fived Blaine, “Best spring break ever!” he declared as Brittany bounced over to him with Sugar not far behind her. Joe was shooting interested looks at the cabins and the woods behind them while Artie seemed to be trying to use x-ray vision on the cabins, likely to determine which one was the handicap-accessible one that Mr. Schue had promised. Looking behind him, Ryder spotted Kitty, arms crossed and acting like it hadn’t been her choice to join them and Tina who rolled her eyes at the other girl before heading towards Blaine and Sam.

Turning his attention back towards the group he was with, he spotted Marley taking Jake’s hand and half-dragging the other boy towards Kitty, looking like she was determined to make the other girl enjoy herself. He stepped closer to his teammates as Unique fell into step beside him, “Unique hasn’t been camping in years.” She offered with a smile, “And something tells her this will be different then camping with her family.” She added, clearly eying the rest of their group with an amused but wary eye and Ryder forced himself to give her a small smile, wondering when she had even decided to start speaking to him again.

“It’ll be … interesting.” He responded, knowing that putting New Directions together in potentially cramped quarters for a week had a definite potential for chaos. “I just hope nobody ends up fighting.” He commented with a sigh. Fun chaos would be good, he was hoping for it to help get his mind off of things but he didn’t think he was up for dealing with New Directions level arguments at the moments. He was pretty sure he’d end up escaping into the woods somewhere if they all started yelling.

Unique had just opened her mouth to respond when Ryder heard a clap and the whole group turned to face Mr. Schue, who was walking towards them with the rest of the chaperones. “Alright! Both cabins have four bedrooms, cabin one will have Mrs. Pillsbury and I chaperoning and cabin two will have Finn, Puck and Quinn. Sam and Blaine, Joe and Artie, and Tina, Brittany and Sugar – you’ll each take a room in cabin one. Jake and Ryder, and Kitty, Marley and Unique – you’ll take rooms in cabin two.” Their teacher informed them happily before heading towards one of the cabins and motioning for his students to follow him.

“Come on guys, we’re in this one.” Finn stated happily and the sophomores made their way into the cabins they had been assigned. Once they stepped inside, Ryder glanced around, impressed with the large cabin and he wondered for a moment how they had managed to afford it before he remembered that Sugar had strangely been the one to suggest them. He spotted stairs and quickly headed up, praying that the rooms had two beds and sighed in relief when he saw that they did, quickly setting his bag down on one of the beds as he closed his eyes and hoped that he would be able to keep himself together for a week of sharing a room with the best friend who hadn’t completely forgiven him yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update this! Cory's death really upset me and made it hard to think much about my Glee stories as I had planned for Finn to have a fairly big role in this (and he also has a big role in my Perfectverse) and in addition to that, I was working on transferring colleges which was about 10,000 times more complicated then it should have been. I'm not going to promise when anything will be updated, but I am going to work on getting more regular updates out for this and Unexpected and I'm working on my major writers block for Perfect Mess as well.


	4. Chapter 3

 Ryder made his way back down the stairs and walked around the rest of the cabin, pretending to inspect it as he waited for the others to choose rooms and make their way back. He wasn’t exactly sure what the plans were, but he hoped there was something. He was desperate to get his mind off of things. The bottle of Advil he had taken from the medicine cabinet before leaving home wasn’t doing all that much for the pain and he knew that he would never be able to get his mind off of what had happened the day before if all he had to do was sit around and think about how much he hurt.

 By the time the others began to trickle back downstairs, the front door suddenly flew in and Sugar announced that Blaine and Sam had brought a picnic lunch for everybody and Ryder followed the stampede towards the other cabin where a large assortment of sandwiches, chips, fruit and drinks were being set out onto a picnic table and quickly claimed. Sam was attempting to guard his sandwich and apple while pouring ice into a large bowl and Blaine had already backed away from the chaos with his own food and two bottles of water by the time Ryder arrived.

 He watched as Blaine motioned Sam over and tossed him the extra water bottle once the other boy was close enough and Tina quickly joined them once she had managed to break away from the crowed without spilling her drink. Ryder stood back, carefully eyeing the others and deciding to wait until he was less likely to get elbowed four times while trying to grab a sandwich before getting his own food. Finn stepped away from the group carrying his own plate and drink and shot a confused look at Ryder.

 “I’m not hungry enough to risk a concussion.” He explained with a shrug.

 Before Finn could respond, Artie quickly called everyone’s attention with a cry of “Move before I run you over!” and the crowd parted to let him through as everyone laughed. Once most of his classmates had moved away from the food, Ryder stepped forward to grab his own plate, quickly grabbing a ham and cheese sandwich and Cheetos before pouring himself a class of the nearest drink and quickly glancing around at the others as he tried to decide who he could sit with, knowing most of them hadn’t been very happy with him after the Marley situation.

“Get over here, dork! Another table isn’t gonna sprout out of the ground!” Jake called from where he sat with Marley, Unique and oddly enough, Kitty on the grass near where Puck, Finn and Quinn had stationed themselves. Sending a relieved grin to his friend, Ryder headed towards them and sat down next to Jake, biting back a wince as he tried to quickly set himself in the least painful position.

 “What are we doing for food the rest of the week?” Ryder asked after taking a bit of his sandwich, knowing that even though he didn’t feel remotely hungry, he had to eat something to keep the others from realizing that something was wrong.

 “The chaperones were supposed to bring groceries; Puck just pawned his portion off on Finn.” Jake responded intentionally loudly.

 “Hey! I had to bring you and your dorky friends, so Finn brought the groceries! Even split!” Puck yelled back as Jake rolled his eyes as his brother.

 Kitty shook her head at the Puckerman’s antics, “How is it possible that you two just met? You act just like my brothers and they’ve had a lifetime to practice being obnoxious with each other.”

 “Talent.” Jake replied, popping a chip into his mouth as Marley and Unique giggled.

* * *

 New Directions was piled around the living room of cabin one for the mandatory Fame marathon that Tina had pointed out they really should have seen coming. Quinn had claimed the couches for the chaperones under the guise of “respecting your elders” which had left most of New Directions sprawled out across the floor in front of the television for the last few hours.

“Whose idea was it to put shows this old on DVD?” Kitty complained, flopping dramatically to the floor.

“It’s not really that bad.” Marley defended as Unique rolled her eyes.

 Ryder knew that if it was any other time, he would have agreed with Marley but at the moment he wasn’t sure he could sit still much longer and he felt at least three levels past exhausted. “I’m gonna go call my mom.” He said softly to Jake as he stood up, “She made me promise to call her at least once day.” He bluffed before heading up to their room.

 He pulled the door shut behind him and laid flat on the bed, breathing a sigh of relief as he finally got into a position that actually didn’t make everything hurt worse. He was in the middle of debating going ahead and taking one of his energy drinks and if taking Advil with an energy drink would be a bad thing or not when there was a single knock on his door before it swung open without any further warning.

 Ryder sat up instantly, ignoring the pain in his stomach as he yanked down on his shirt, hoping it hadn’t ridden anything up but it wasn’t until he saw the concerned look on Finn’s face that he realized it was the sleeves of his shirt that been pushed up instead.

“Ryder, what happened, man?” Finn said as Ryder quickly pushed the sleeves back down and stared at the ground, “Football seasons over and that didn’t look like it came from sports anyway.”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” He insisted, looking up and trying to put on his best honest face.

 Finn sighed and sat down next to Ryder on the edge of the bed, “I know I’m not all that bright some times, but I’ve got Kurt for a brother, and people at McKinley used to be pretty awful to him.” The teacher began, “You’re moving like you’re hurt, you have been all day, and you pulled on your shirt like you had something else to hide when I came in.” he pointed out gently.

 “I’m fine, really. I was just … you know, roughhousing, got a couple bruises. It’s no big deal.” Ryder responded quickly, trying to hide his panic. Nobody could know, especially not Finn. What his mentor think if he knew how badly Ryder had messed up.

“Ryder, there’s handprints on your arms. That doesn’t happen by accident. Who hurt you?” Finn questioned, looking serious as he tried to keep eye contact with the younger boy, “If it’s somebody at school, I’m a teacher now… well, sort of. I can help. If it’s at home… Ryder, you just need to tell me. It’s not okay for somebody to hurt you.”

“Nothing happened, nobody hurt me! I’m fine!” Ryder exclaimed, curling into himself slightly as he tried to keep himself calm. This wasn’t working. He’d been stupid all over again letting his sleeves ride up like that, not locking the door. He couldn’t do anything right.

“Ryder, look at me.” Finn said softly, ducking his head down to look the younger boy in the eye again, “I just want to help you. Tell me who hurt you.”

 Ryder broke eye contact again and stared at the floor in silence as he tried to figure out what to do. “It wasn’t … it wasn’t anybody at school Or at home. It was just some guy. I don’t even know his name.” he said softly, hoping he could get away with skipping the details.

 Finn sucked in a breath, pausing for a moment as he seemed to reconsider his line of questioning. “What happened?”

 Ryder continued to stare at the floor, too afraid to look up. “He just … roughed me up a little. You know. Had a knife so I couldn’t really fight back.”

 “Why? Did he mug you or…” Finn trailed off as he seemed to wait for an answer that Ryder wasn’t planning on giving. “Look, you know I’ve got a little brother, and he’s in New York with Rachel and they’re by themselves. I worry.” he began and Ryder looked up slightly, not sure where the older man was going, “I looked up some stuff. A lot of stuff. And I’m really not liking the reason I think you’ve got bruises like that, like somebody held you down.”

 Ryder scooted back against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest as he realized there was no way out of it now without lying through his teeth and he really didn’t think he could manage to that convincingly. “You can’t tell anybody.” He said quickly.

“If you’re still in danger, I’ve got too.” Finn said apologetically.

“I’m not. I swear, I told you the truth when I said I don’t even know his name.” Ryder said, looking up and mentally begging Finn to believe him before he angrily wiped the tears away from his eyes, “Look I … I met him. And I thought I was meeting somebody else and then when I figured it out he grabbed me, had his hands around my neck… pulled a knife when I wouldn’t stop fighting him. I just … I couldn’t get away.” He said softly, barely speaking above a whisper as he tried to get the details out.

“He raped you.” Finn said, anger clear in his voice and when Ryder nodded he stood up, fists clinched, “Are you sure you don’t know who he is? Cause if you do, I’ll kill him.”

 Ryder shook his head quickly, “I don’t know anything. I’m sorry.”

All the air seemed to run out of the older man as he sank back down on to the edge of the bed, “You don’t have be sorry, it’s not your fault.” He said sincerely, “Look … nobody gets to just do things like that to you, okay? You didn’t want it, you tried to get away … he had a freakin’ knife! It’s _not your fault_ , you know that, right?”

Ryder nodded slowly, not even sure what else to say as he wished he could just disappear and be somewhere, anywhere else. Even if Finn wasn’t blaming him, he still _knew_ and Ryder was torn between being relieved and horrified.

“When did it happen, buddy?” Finn asked carefully.

“Yesterday.” Ryder mumbled into his arms as he pulled his knee’s closer to his chest, trying to pretend like that didn’t make the pain from the bruises on his stomach worse.

Finn swore under his breath, “You didn’t tell _anybody_ , did you? Crap … how bad are you hurt? You’re not … you’re not _bleeding_ , right?”

The younger boy shook his head, “I told my mom and Sam I was sick. Nobody knows.” He said before blushing looking pointedly at the blanket he was sitting on, “Just bruises. The ones on my arms and my stomach, legs … on my neck from when he grabbed me there at first. Bleeding stopped. I’m fine, really, it’s not that bad. I’m just … sore.”

Finn took a deep breath as he nodded, “Can I see the bruise on your stomach? It’s just … my mom’s a nurse and I know that could be bad. Not that I could probably tell but … maybe?” he said, sounding slightly confused.

Ryder sighed, pulling his legs away from his stomach and pulling up his shirt just enough for Finn to see the bruise, “It looks worse than it is.” He said, attempting to sound like it wasn’t really that bad.

Finn ran a hand through his hair as he looked at the bruise, “Ryder, you really need to go to a doctor.” He said before the younger boy emphatically shook his head no, “Alright, I can’t make you. I’m not gonna make you.” He said carefully before standing up, “I’m gonna head back down, check on the others. Let me know if you need me, alright?” he told him before heading out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him as Ryder pulled down his shirt and curled back up, not sure what he was supposed to do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about five different versions of this scene in my head and this probably sucks, but I haven't tried to write Finn since Cory died so ... it was harder then I thought. I hope that it wasn't as bad as I feel like it is, but I wanted to get you guys an update out!


End file.
